BIG BEAR MALT LIQUOR!!!!

BIG BEAR is THE BEST malt liquor ever! WarriorofthewastelandWizardofthewilderness as well as Cutty Shark AND Josh Effing Davis agree!!! The ONLY place to get it in Chicago is the otherwise highly avoidable and stupidly overpriced 1000 LIQUORS over in the 90's part of town.

Okay, so Big Bear is SEVEN-POINT-FIVE percent booze! But it tastes like its around 5.5!!! For serious, BIG BEAR isn't much worse than budweiser, which we think is GOOD. Big Bear only costs 1.69!!! Bang for buck...absolutely unbeatable. I got complimented on drinking it THREE times at the party from fools who wished they were drinkin' big bear or had even heard of its ass before.

btw, there's a fuckin bear on it and bear's eyes is shiny-metallic red!!!!!

"THE SUPERIOR MALT LIQUOR"

WILD CAT MALT LIQUOR

The label on WILD CAT commands you to "UNLEASH THE CAT". We do not recommend this. The cat sucks. WILD CAT tastes like it was brewed out of mountain lion's assholes. The mountain lion's assholes are harvested from a farm where the cats are purposely given butt cancer and fed shitloads of corn, which explains why the flavor of this is just straight corn mixed with sicky immanent death. it sucks so hard. at 5.5% alcohol you can't even get fucked up off of one. obviously the label is pretty fucking cool, so i guess its worth it if there's no other booze around and you didn't have to pay for it.