R.I.P. FOUR LOKO

!R.I.P. FOUR LOKO!
After being banned in a few states, and 'banned' on college campuses, FOUR LOKO is gone! The company has voluntarily quit making it, and promises to follow the suckiness of SPARKS by removing the caffeine, ginseng, taurine, and guarana! This makes FOUR LOKO totally worthless!
WHY DID THIS HAPPEN?
Because college students are BABYDICKS! Some stupid under-aged twats got drunk and threw up, which is exactly what would have happened if they'd just drank too much whiskey or beer, but then their paranoid white asses freaked out! they had stupid panic attacks because of the LEGEND of FOUR LOKO, and mistook the simple fact that they were DRUNK for DYING. fucking retards ruining it for everybody who isn't a fool.
SHIT SUCKS!
So we went to every liquor store in the neighborhood and bought every FOUR LOKO they had!!! That's it!!! We have the LAST OF THE FOUR LOKOS.
we are the GUARDIANS OF THE LEGEND!!!!

BIG BEAR MALT LIQUOR!!!!

BIG BEAR is THE BEST malt liquor ever! WarriorofthewastelandWizardofthewilderness as well as Cutty Shark AND Josh Effing Davis agree!!! The ONLY place to get it in Chicago is the otherwise highly avoidable and stupidly overpriced 1000 LIQUORS over in the 90's part of town.

Okay, so Big Bear is SEVEN-POINT-FIVE percent booze! But it tastes like its around 5.5!!! For serious, BIG BEAR isn't much worse than budweiser, which we think is GOOD. Big Bear only costs 1.69!!! Bang for buck...absolutely unbeatable. I got complimented on drinking it THREE times at the party from fools who wished they were drinkin' big bear or had even heard of its ass before.

btw, there's a fuckin bear on it and bear's eyes is shiny-metallic red!!!!!

"THE SUPERIOR MALT LIQUOR"

WILD CAT MALT LIQUOR

The label on WILD CAT commands you to "UNLEASH THE CAT". We do not recommend this. The cat sucks. WILD CAT tastes like it was brewed out of mountain lion's assholes. The mountain lion's assholes are harvested from a farm where the cats are purposely given butt cancer and fed shitloads of corn, which explains why the flavor of this is just straight corn mixed with sicky immanent death. it sucks so hard. at 5.5% alcohol you can't even get fucked up off of one. obviously the label is pretty fucking cool, so i guess its worth it if there's no other booze around and you didn't have to pay for it.

DUTCH MASTERS CIGARILLO TUBES ON SALE!!!

FUCK YEAH!
Everyone knows that a DUTCH MASTERS HONEY SPORT cigarillo is the best there is for making a blunt. The smoke is smooth, the green wrapper makes for a slow burn, and the sweet (real!) honey compliments your weed well, without changing the flavor significantly (like a grape white owl might.) The honey is sort of a flavor-bridge between the relatively sweet natural green candela tobacco wrapper, and your shit. Well, these aren't HONEY, but a total shitbox called WALGREENS had these on sale for 59cents each (I bought the whole display case), and vanilla and grape are still better than any other non-dutchmaster's wrapper, with exception of GAME WHITE GRAPE, which has made itself scarce in the neighborhood in recent weeks. The grape DUTCHMASTER has a natural BROWN wrapper, which takes more moistening to unravel cleanly than do the green wrappers on the vanillas or honeys. It has a slightly more 'traditional', darker-ish taste than the greens as well. The grape is sort of there, but not as pungeantly as with the GAME WHITE GRAPE. If I'm smoking a grape blunt, I want the grape to be a touch obnoxious and stupid smelling, so dutchmaster loses in the grape department (while still holding favorably to a swisher or white owl.) The vanilla is smooth and okay. Sort of a Food Club version of HONEY.
ThEY CAME IN TUBES!!! Tubes are a totally essential device if you're into transporting a blunt!!! They protect it from breaking better than just about anything else!!! Also, its not so smart to keep your blunt in your pack smokes for instance, because that's a really commonly accessed thing. You want to brandish your blunt on your blunts terms, not some other shit!!! The blunt DESERVES ITS OWN VESSEL!!! Best of all, if you want to extinguish your blunt and save some for later, you can just drop it into the tube (mouth-side down retard) and put the cap on top, and the lack of oxygen extinguishes it quickly. This way you don't waste as much of your shit trying to grind it out!!!

FOUR LOKO LEMONADE FLAVOR

FOUR LOKO TAKES IT UP A NOTCH!!!
"THE PERFECT BEVERAGE FOR A NIGHT OF BREAKING SHIT"
"I WAS TRASHED IN LESS THAN FIVE MINUTES"
FOUR LOKO continues along its destined path to create absolute mayhem on the summer streets by releasing LEMONADE!!! Fucking shit is going to go wild!!! Just imagine it being hot outside, and you're frustrated and want to do something fucking psyche and you reach for this shit and its still sunny out but you don't even give a fuck because you're hog-wild on FOUR!!! This is THE go-to beverage for anyone who wants to do something wild and crazy. Its a full moon every night with FOUR LOKO! Oh, the flavor? AWESOME. It really should have been a little more sour, or LEMONY-ER, but that's okay. Its better than any flavor we've had yet, although there is a CRANBERRY LEMONADE waiting for tomorrow night. We'll see about that.

FOUR LOKO is the official way to get fucked up on a budget and keep the rage coming all night (or day) long!!! It puts the HIGH into HIGH GRAVITY!!! It features a whopping TWELVE PERCENT alcohol per volume, making it TWICE AS STRONG as SPARKS(r.i.p.). It also has TAURINE, GINSENG, and GUARANA! FOUR LOKO will help you do VERY BAD THINGS and not feel one ounce of remorse!!! It also give you the POWER to get them done!!! One night Wasteoid and The Wizard both had psilocybin-esque flashbacks whilst vainly attempting to fall asleep on this potent potable!!! It tastes WAY better than any other energy booze that has ever existed (and this is an area of expertise where we definitely know what we're talking about.) The WATERMELON flavor is popular, and tastes just like a watermelon jolly rancher. The booze is almost undectable. Nevertheless, it is generally agreed that this concoction should be downed as quickly as possible, and that the can should be as cold as possible. CRAZY STRAWS MAKE IT BETTER!

YOU CAN NEVER HAVE ENOUGH GAME!!! FOUND A DEAL AT THE CITGO IN LOGAN SQUARE!!! BIC Wildlife series lighters are a great way to infuse your day-to-day doings with epic natural vibes. You can just look at the picture and tell how cool it is. A good way to go on a magickal mission with an elk!!!

HOWLING MONKEY ENERGIZING COLA IS GOOD! It tastes similar to RED BULL COLA, which we like. Sort of like regular cola, but with notes of herbs and spices. HOWLING MONKEY provides a pretty good amp, but without undue geekiness. The can is 16 ounces, so there's plenty of it. It has all the staple energy ingredients: taurine, l-carnitine, inositol, guarana, ginseng, and green tea. A good soda for staying on point. Also, the label says it has MULTI-VITAMINS PURE CAFFEINE AND QUININE, and the packaging is good compared to lots of the shit out there. The level of intensity provided by this beverage couples well with a Game blunt. We find the name of this drink to be more of a dictum than just a label. THIS SHIT WAS ONLY $3.50 CENTS FOR A SIXPACK AT BIGLOTS!!! This shit is made by McKenzie River Corporation, who used to make SPARKS before Miller bought it and took out all the energy components and made it shitty!!! This tastes MUCH better than any incarnation of SPARKS. At the same time, a shout out to SPARKS from the RADICAL REALM, from being a true forerunner in the world of caffeinated malt liquor!!! SPARKS IS DEAD. LONG LIVE SPARKS.

Game Cigarillos are the new preferred cigars for making blunts. Everybody on the winning team agrees!!! They come in a few flavors, some of which sound sort of shit (like, wine) but WHITE GRAPE is an excellent flavor. We used to think that Swisher Sweets and White Owls were excellent choices for making blunts (and if that's all you can find, they still are!!!) but GAME has really stepped up the GAME. The advantage to game is the NATURAL LEAF GREEN WRAPPER, which you UNRAVEL before cutting open the inner paper. After cutting, emptying, stuffing, and re-rolling the inner paper, RE-RAVEL the blunt in the natural green leaf. The result is an exquisite blunt that lasts much longer than a Swisher or White Owl! The flavor is sweet, and a touch grassy compared to the other brands, which we also like because it feels more 'natural'!!! They also come in a foil pouch!!! So far every Game we've rolled has been very fresh!!!

Radical Realm

WELCOME TO RADICAL REALM! The goal here is to keep everyone on the cutting edge of what is going on with the Winning Team and Plan Awesome. We will try to reveal as much from this realm as possible without sacrificing the integrity of the mission, or the high of the party.